Caring for Elderly Parents: Essential Advice for Families and Caregivers

As your parents grow older, it’s natural to want to help, but caring for elderly parents can be emotionally and physically demanding. Whether you’re offering practical support, helping with medical appointments, or simply trying to be there for them each day, the responsibility can feel overwhelming, especially if expectations are high.

You might be managing your own family, juggling work commitments, or dealing with your own health. And while your instinct may be to do everything, the reality is that looking after elderly parents requires balance, boundaries, and support.

In this guide, we explore why ageing parents may begin to expect more, how to set healthy limits, and ways to care with compassion, without losing sight of your own wellbeing.

Additionally, we take a look at the financial support available for carers and Opera Beds' range of adjustable beds and riser recliner chairs to understand how they can make caring for parents easier.

Understanding your changing role as a carer

As your parents age, the dynamic between you shifts. You may find yourself taking on responsibilities that once belonged to them, such as organising finances, preparing meals, managing medication, or handling personal care needs. This change can be subtle at first, but depending on their needs, can progress to providing full-time care.

Many family caregivers find themselves in this position unexpectedly. What begins as popping round to help out can grow into long-term care that alters your routine. And because it happens gradually, it’s easy to feel unprepared.

You’re not just offering help; you’re stepping into the role of a carer, often without formal training or clear guidance. That shift can bring emotional strain, especially when your elderly parent resists change or still sees themselves as independent.

Recognising this evolving role is key. It’s okay to feel conflicted, tired, or unsure. Supporting someone you love is an act of care, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own mental health or well-being.

Managing expectations

It’s not unusual to feel that your elderly parents expect more than you can give, whether it’s constant company, help with everyday tasks, or emotional support you’re struggling to provide. If you’ve found yourself feeling guilty that you can’t do more or thinking your parent expects you to be there all the time, you’re not alone.

There are often emotional reasons behind these expectations. As people age, they may fear losing control, feel anxious about their health, or worry about becoming a burden. Sometimes, frustration or sadness is expressed as criticism or unrealistic demands, particularly if they’re struggling with early signs of cognitive decline.

In other cases, your parent may simply be unaware of how much you’re already doing. They might not realise the pressure you’re under or how many other commitments you’re balancing.

And while it’s normal to want to care for your parents, it’s equally normal to feel unable to meet every need, especially without help. It doesn’t make you uncaring, and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you’re human.

How to set healthy boundaries when caring for elderly parents

Boundaries aren’t about saying no to your parents; they’re about making sure you can keep saying yes in a way that’s sustainable, supportive, and healthy for you both.

When caring for elderly parents, it’s easy to fall into the habit of always being available. But over time, this can lead to burnout, resentment, or feelings of guilt. Setting gentle, respectful boundaries can help maintain your relationship and protect your own mental health.

Here are some practical ways to set boundaries while still showing care:

• Agree on times you’re available – If your parent calls frequently or expects daily visits, gently set limits. Let them know when you’re free, and when you’re not.

• Share responsibilities – If possible, involve other family members or explore respite care services through your local council or social services.

• Be clear and consistent – Explain your limits calmly and kindly. If you can’t help with something, try to offer an alternative, like arranging meal preparation support or a live-in carer.

• Use practical aids – Personal alarms, home adaptations, and bed bumpers can help your elderly relative remain safe and independent in their own home, easing the pressure on you as a caregiver.

• Get support from an occupational therapist – These professionals can recommend home adaptations and equipment, help you manage everyday tasks, and suggest safe techniques to help your elderly parent live more independently and comfortably. 

Remember, saying you can’t do something right now doesn’t mean you don’t care. In fact, creating space for your own needs allows you to continue offering care from a place of energy and empathy, not exhaustion.

Tips for maintaining your own well-being

If your role as a carer has increased, it's easy to put yourself last. But neglecting your physical, emotional or mental health can make it harder to provide the care and support your loved one needs.

Here are some gentle reminders to help protect your well-being:

• Prioritise rest – Quality sleep, regular breaks, and downtime aren’t indulgent, they’re essential. If you’re exhausted, even simple tasks can feel overwhelming.

• Ask for help – Whether from other family members, close friends, or professional services, you don’t have to do everything yourself. Even a small break can make a big difference.

• Talk about your emotions – Sharing your feelings with someone you trust or joining a carers’ support group can help you feel less isolated. Remember - you're not alone, and it’s not a problem to share that you are finding caring a challenge.

• Stay connected – Make time for activities or people who bring you joy. A walk, a phone call, a hobby – anything that reminds you of who you are outside of your caregiving role.

Many family caregivers feel pressure to keep going at all costs. But caring from an empty tank isn’t sustainable. Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. It’s part of how you provide care that’s compassionate, balanced, and long-term.

When it’s time to seek external support

No matter how committed or capable you are, there may come a point when caring for an elderly parent alone can become too much. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means that your parents’ care and support needs now require a different level of help.

Here are some signs it might be time to explore more structured support:

• Their needs are becoming more complex, including personal care, medical appointments, or memory-related issues.

• You’re constantly exhausted, overwhelmed, or feeling unable to keep up with care responsibilities.

• You’re juggling work hours, children, and other family needs with little to no time for yourself.

• The dynamic at home is becoming tense or emotionally strained.

When that happens, consider:

• Support from your local authority – Your local council may be able to offer a care plan, home adaptations, or financial guidance such as carer's allowance.

• Home care or live-in care – A professional carer can assist with daily routines while allowing your parent to stay in their own home.

• Respite care – Short-term care services that give you space to rest and recharge.

• Sheltered housing or residential care homes – These offer a balance of social interaction, independence, and on-hand care.

Seeking more support isn’t giving up. It’s making sure your parent receives the right care, at the right time, in the right way. It also allows you to return to your role as son or daughter, not just a carer.

If your parent is living with dementia, it may be beneficial to look into dementia villages. Based on a Dutch care model, these facilities are designed to look, feel and function like small towns or neighbourhoods. Explore more in our guide – What is a Dementia Village? A Guide to Innovative Elderly Care.

Financial support for carers: What help is available?

Caring for elderly parents often brings emotional challenges, but it can also bring financial pressure. Whether you're reducing work hours to provide care and support, paying for home adjustments, or exploring new equipment, the costs can add up quickly.

The good news is that there are financial support options available for family caregivers and the elderly parents they support. Understanding what's out there can help reduce the financial burden and give you room to focus on what matters most: care.

Carer’s allowance

If you’re providing at least 35 hours of unpaid care a week, including help with personal care, meal preparation, mobility, or managing medical needs, you may be eligible for Carer’s Allowance. This is a government benefit designed to support unpaid carers, even if the person you care for is not your spouse or lives in a different home.

You don’t need to live with your parent to qualify, but they must be receiving a qualifying disability benefit, such as Attendance Allowance or Personal Independence Payment (PIP).

To be eligible for Carer’s Allowance, you must fulfil specific criteria, including: 

• Being aged 16 or over

• Spending at least 35 hours per week caring for someone 

• Earning less than £196 a week after tax, National Insurance and expenses

Explore the full eligibility criteria on the Gov.UK website. 

Local authority support

Your local council may be able to help with a formal care plan, including home care services, respite care, or funding towards mobility equipment and home adaptations like handrails, stairlifts, or bathing aids.

Both you and your parent are entitled to assessments, one to evaluate their care and support needs, and another to assess your needs as a carer.

Alternatively, the Carers Trust can help you find carer services near you. 

VAT relief on medical and mobility equipment

If your parent has a long-term illness or disability, you may be eligible for VAT relief on a wide range of items designed to assist with daily living.

At Opera Beds, many of our adjustable beds, hospital bed mattresses, and profiling care products are eligible for 0% VAT if purchased for personal or home use by individuals with a qualifying condition.

This can significantly reduce the cost of essential equipment, making it easier to invest in products that support comfort, mobility and independent living.

When browsing our range, look out for VAT relief information on each product page or speak to our friendly team if you’re unsure what qualifies.

Find more information on our dedicated VAT Relief page.

How adjustable furniture can make caring for elderly parents easier

When supporting an elderly parent at home, the right equipment can make all the difference, not just for their comfort, but also for your day-to-day well-being as a caregiver.

Adjustable furniture, such as electric beds and riser recliner chairs, provides practical and dignified support that can alleviate physical strain and promote greater independence for your loved one.

Occupational therapist, Barbara Franks, explains the importance of adjustable furniture in caring for elderly parents. 

“As our parents age, everyday movements like sitting down, standing up, or repositioning themselves can become more physically demanding and tiring. Adjustable furniture can decrease the effort associated with these movements. 

“By supporting safer movement and improving comfort, older adults can maintain their confidence and independence, and reduce the risk of injuring themselves and their carers. 

“Beyond the physical benefits, adjustable furniture can support our older relatives’ emotional wellbeing, too – it enables them to care for themselves and retain independence. 

“For families and caregivers, adjustable furniture can ease daily stresses, reduce the need for constant hands-on support, and create a calmer environment. To ensure the right equipment is bought, it’s important that you seek guidance first, e.g. from an occupational therapist or specialist supplier.” 

Adjustable beds

Adjustable beds are designed to help individuals to maintain their independence in moving in bed and getting in and out of bed. They allow you to raise the head or feet of the bed with the touch of a button, which can improve circulation, reduce pressure, and make getting in and out of bed safer and easier.

For family caregivers, this also means less physical lifting and strain when helping with personal care, dressing or mobility. Our collection of profiling care beds features extra functions tailored for individuals with complex needs, including built-in side rails and zero-gravity positioning to relieve pressure on joints and promote a more restful night’s sleep.

Another key feature of these beds is that they can be raised and lowered. This makes it easier to administer care and, when lowered, it reduces the risk of injury from falls, which is particularly beneficial if your parent has Parkinson's or dementia. There is, however, still a risk of falling. So, before purchasing, seek guidance from our customer support team to ensure the adjustable bed is suitable, especially if you’re caring for someone who falls regularly. 

To give your parent everything they need for a comfortable night’s rest, we designed our range of adjustable bed accessories and bedding. Here, you’ll find everything you need, from electric blankets to reading lamps and grab rails that increase accessibility and independence.  

For further information, including insight into how adjustable and profiling beds can reduce night-time disruptions, and how to choose the right bed, we wrote our guide to beds for the elderly. 

Riser recliner chairs

For daytime comfort, riser recliner chairs offer essential support. These chairs can support your parent to move from sitting to standing through use of the riser feature. With powered backrests and leg elevation, they also enable your loved one to relax, read, or nap in a safe and supported position.

For caregivers, riser recliners mean less lifting and more peace of mind knowing your parent has a comfortable, accessible place to rest during the day. Explore our range of chairs for the elderly for suitable products. 

Small changes, big difference

Adjustable furniture can support your loved one, helping them feel more in control and reducing the hands-on support you need to provide. It's a way of offering support without always having to be hands-on, helping your loved one feel more in control, and reducing your feelings of overwhelm.

We understand the complexity of balancing independence with care. Our thoughtfully designed products include everything you need to help your parent get a good night’s sleep. 

This includes electric adjustable beds, profiling mattresses, and bedroom accessories, manufactured to support older adults in living safely and comfortably at home for as long as possible.

Whether you’re just beginning to explore home adaptations or considering long-term options for a loved one, we’re here to provide guidance, expertise, and understanding every step of the way.

For advice on the most suitable products for your elderly parent or relative, contact our friendly team.